it's my birthday today

So here's the fix, today is Christmas Eve and it is my birthday. Yes! I am officially 20 years old. Two decades of feeling great, sexy and free like glitters raining on me!

 This 20 year of adventure has really made a great deal for me. The challenges that happened in my life helped me become more observant and resilient. May it be a success or failure, still, it taught me to understand the essence and complexity of life. As for me, if someone becomes a failure he will be able to know the things he ought to know and that will motivate him to have a more critical approach whenever facing a similar challenge. If someone is successful in his own bragging glory he would become a failure only if  he forgets to reciprocate the goodness and blessings that he receives. It isn't all about the idea of giving in order to have something in return rather it focuses on understanding the simple thought that giving is like sharing a part of your life.

 Longevity alone is a great basis, for me, to conclude how artistic and wise I am to face the different impediments of life.  As it made the worst and the best side of my personality, it also enabled me to appreciate the value of patience. The time of wallowing my self over things i can't seem to comprehend and the time of celebrating my self for a simple triumph is a proof that there are some things that are worth encompassing.

I have to admit my 20 years is not as  humdrum as it may seem. It was full of love, care, fun, laughter, adventure, downfalls and the worst stupidity. Yet hey without me being stupid I never would've made an impact to your life.

Confessions of a FRUSTRATED SINGER

KOIE SINGING:
when will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye,
Not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any scene,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle  heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and heaviness in my head  -- Don't You Remember by Adele

I so love listening to music. whenever i'm bored i opt to play songs in my phone and eat and stare blankly and smile. so try to imagine how i look like. yeah i know it is strange to see someone staring blankly and smiling at the same time. i don't care what others would say. though they often tell me i look cute and some would even say i look stupid, well thank you for that compliment guys. but no one really asked me why  i always end up doing that. well i think they aren't interested. anyhow, just to be honest in times like that i am imagining my self having a good voice. there is nothing wrong with imagining right?


KOIE SINGING:
Now everybody asks me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear.
(They say love hurts)
But I know
(It's gonna take the real work)
Nothing's perfect, but it's worth it after fighting through my fears
And finally you put me first -- Love On Top by Beyonce


My mom and my dad knows how to sing, but what the heck is wrong with me??????

I am but a normal teenager. i have a lot of insecurities. i always have this "how i wish" thought. like how i wish i'm physically overwhelming, i'm tall; i can smile like those models in toothpaste commercials, this and that and this and that. yeah i know these are just superficial thing but if we try to look deeper these superficiality complements a girl. seriously, if there is one thing i wish i have, without second thoughts, it would be a GOOD VOICE. all caps for emphasis. good enough to launch a thousand battleships.

i have always wanted to sing in front of a crowd.sometimes i can even feel there is a voice within me that urges me to sing my heart out and let others know that i, too, know how to sing. let's admit it i know how to sing, almost everyone does, except that i have my own tune. some may find it annoying while others would appreciate it and honestly i don't know if they really do. the hell i care. we have our individual muses right? so just bare with me. you know what i'm just feeding my ego here. another self service policy observed!

if i only knew how to sing then i'll do a lot of good things. i will use my voice to achieve world peace. yeah that's so beauty queen! my voice will serve as a protection for mother earth against the destruction that we, cruel humans, have made. i will travel the world and inflict change to every individual that i meet. it is given that change is constant and that is what we need in order to meet the crazy demands of our world. by the power of my voice, i will keep the people abreast with the current issues that is happening for them to make sound judgment, and that is so masscom!  my ethereal voice will give inspiration to those who are seeking comfort, to those who have same feeling as mine. my voice will be the conscience lurking within the minds of every criminal. i will not stop on hunting them until they pay the price for the crime they had committed. through my voice i will protect the rights of every individual and serve justice the it should be served. with my voice i will be the most notorious villain and track down those people who have nothing to do in this world but spread their evil desires. like am i really serious with that? eh?

seriously, i will use my voice to inspire every woman who lacks confidence. my voice will serve as her innate mentor in order for her to face today's discriminating world.empowering women will be my number one task. and with this i will sing ...

KOIE SINGING:
Who run the world? Girls!
Who run this motha? Girls!
Who run the world? Girls!

Some of them men think they freak this like we do
But no they don't
Make your checks come at they neck,
Disrespect us no they won't 
...
Boy im just playing, come here baby
Hope you still like me, If you hate me
My persuasion can build a nation
Endless power, our love we can devour
You'll do anything for me -- Run the World by Beyonce

sadly, when your dream is near on its climax you wake up. that's it. end of my dreams. if i only know how to sing then i would certainly do everything.

Confessions of a FRUSTRATED SINGER

coming right up guys. just keep posted. :)

KAANYAG

Ang kaanyag nagkadaiya

Maanyag kon pakalitan

Di' kaha ka matakigan?

Maanyag kon matulog

Hala ka! Sige

Katulog na permi

Maanyag kon puti

Unsaon ang puti nga pamanit

Kon mura'g nukos nga gikusnit

Maanyag kon lami og lawas

Apan kanus-a man nahimo'g nawng ang lawas?

Sa tinud-anay

Wa kini sa panagway

Matod sa gi-ingon ni nanay

Ang kaanyag sa maayong pamatasan ipabuhagay

Di kini usa ka pagpanghasi

Kundili usa ka pagpanabi

Kon tanaw nimo itsuraan ka

Sige wa'y problema

Dawat namo na

Aron kita madali ug magkahi-usa

Apan di' g'yud na mada'

Kon ang imong kina-iya

Murag pang-Kingdom Animalia.

Sa mata nimo gwapa ka

Sa mata namo lahi ra

Ihinay-hinay og buka ang mata

Basin nagdamgo ra ka.

MY SOLITARY THOUGHTS

"Because all my life i learned to suffer in silence"

      -  Paulo Coelho, The Witch Of Portobello

For so long I have been wondering does the situation of having your parents away from you a good way to become independent? Is living all by yourself a nice way to learn new things in life? Or can independence really makes someone independent? These are just some of the many questions I have in mind and these, too, are my opportunities to become better.

The questions I have turned into something that'll motivate me? hmm not bad.

Seriously, I lived my life in solitude. Birthdays, Christmas, New Years, recognitions, any special occasions in my life I had it celebrated alone with myself. Wait, disclaimer, I'm not literally alone because I do have my friends and aunts who's always been there for me but it wasn't that enough. I mean it would have been more happy and satisfying if I have my parents celebrate it with me. It would have been. If only having them around is just as easy as going over the pages of my notebook then I would've done it. Sadly, no matter how much I insist if things are not meant to be then it never will be.

I feel so tired of pretending that I’m okay, that I'm enjoying every bit of my time, and that I’m emotionally strong enough to handle such emptiness. I honestly don't like the idea of me putting up a front that I am capable of carrying myself in any situation that I may face. Yet it is the last and only card I have for me to do away from loneliness. I have no other choice but to be strong, emotionally strong, because when all else fails, it is the last thing that I will have.

I have worn so many faces and only a few people noticed it. I have uttered a lot of harsh words and only a few people have heard it. I have been wild and made actions without thinking. I have kept so many sentiments away from other people's knowledge. Lock it deep in myself. I am just careful not to say any about it to someone not unless I’m provoked. Don't get me wrong but i am not a hard and shiny plastic, it's just that I like it just the way it is. These are just some of my ways of coping up.

Being strong doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be aggressive, outspoken, determined and witty sometimes it all boils down to one idea and that is on how you approach the solitude you have in life. Yet no matter how pretentious a person maybe and no matter how many companions he may have gained, at the end of the day he would consider to have some time all by his self. For when you are alone you tend to see so many things that some people dared not to see.