"Because all my
life i learned to suffer in silence"
For so long I have been
wondering does the situation of having your parents away from you a good way to
become independent? Is living all by yourself a nice way to learn new things in
life? Or can independence really makes someone independent? These are just some
of the many questions I have in mind and these, too, are my opportunities to
become better.
The questions I have
turned into something that'll motivate me? hmm not bad.
Seriously, I lived my
life in solitude. Birthdays, Christmas, New Years, recognitions, any
special occasions in my life I had it celebrated alone with myself. Wait,
disclaimer, I'm not literally alone because I do have my friends and aunts
who's always been there for me but it wasn't that enough. I mean it would have
been more happy and satisfying if I have my parents celebrate it with me. It would have been.
If only having them around is just as easy as going over the pages of my
notebook then I would've done it. Sadly, no matter how much I insist if things
are not meant to be then it never will be.
I feel so tired of
pretending that I’m okay, that I'm enjoying every bit of my time, and that I’m
emotionally strong enough to handle such emptiness. I honestly don't like the
idea of me putting up a front that I am capable of carrying myself in any
situation that I may face. Yet it is the last and only card I have for me to do
away from loneliness. I have no other choice but to be strong, emotionally
strong, because when all else fails, it is the last thing that I will have.
I have worn so many
faces and only a few people noticed it. I have uttered a lot of harsh words and
only a few people have heard it. I have been wild and made actions without
thinking. I have kept so many sentiments away from other people's knowledge.
Lock it deep in myself. I am just careful not to say any about it to someone
not unless I’m provoked. Don't get me wrong but i am not a hard and shiny
plastic, it's just that I like it just the way it is. These are just some of my
ways of coping up.
Being strong doesn't
necessarily mean that you have to be aggressive, outspoken, determined and
witty sometimes it all boils down to one idea and that is on how you approach
the solitude you have in life. Yet no matter how pretentious a person maybe and
no matter how many companions he may have gained, at the end of the day he
would consider to have some time all by his self. For when you are alone you tend
to see so many things that some people dared not to see.
:) good post Koie~
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!!